Is My Life Worth It ?
by Kaishei
Summary: Is his life worth it, he doesn't think so. Does he have a friend who can change his mind ?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so first beyblade fic, and in all honesty, I've seen worse, and you know it's true.**

**I'm not the best when it comes to punctuation, so please excuse the overly large amount of comma's to come.**

**I am using the english names in my fics, just because that is what I am used to so that is:**

**Tyson Granger, Max Tate, Ray Kon, Kai Hiwatari, Kenny (The Chief).**

**This is kinda depressing, I suppose, and even I am not sure what kind of time it is set, I suppose somewhere after Season 1.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own beyblade, it's characters or...well that's it really, not much in this fic.**

**Well enjoy....and don't foget to review, pretty please *get's a puppy***

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Is My Life Worth It ?

Life.

What is it ?

Pain, death.

It is so easy to take, so easy to leave.

All I need is my knife.

My knife.

To rip the unwanted blood from my veins, from my heart.

To make it stop.

To make my heart wither.

To ease that pain.

The pain he causes.

My name...

Kai Hiwatari

This,

This is my life.

From painful beginnings.

To a friend, a lover.

Someone I never deserved.

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**Oh, how depressing. oh well, it will get better, hopefully. Please Review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's chapter 2.**

**I didn't expect any reviews from the first chapter, and I don't from this chapter either as there is not much to review. However I hope for reviews for the coming chapters.**

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**Chapter 2**

Pain, it was all I ever knew.

From a young age I was forced from my parents arms,

To a grandfather who was adamant the only love worth having was a love of being victorious.

He taught me how to blade.

He taught me how to be emotionless.

He taught me how to win.

I was the best, all by myself.

I was happy, or, so I thought.

Until those boys came along.

I was beat, for the first time in my life.

Tyson Granger.

That was when it all started.

I was enlisted by the chairman of the BBA.

To be team captain of what was to be, a championship team.

Now called the Bladebreakers.

I agreed, but only because I wanted my revenge.

I **never** lose.

My team consists of 5 members.

Tyson Granger, Max Tate, Me, Rei Kon, and a boy with a laptop, Kenny or 'The Chief'

Tyson is cocky and a loudmouthed Japanese, he barely thinks, except about food; which he is rarely without. I find him repulsive for the most; he is the opposite of me on all mental levels.

He has navy hair, long enough to be tied, topped with a hat which hardly ever leaves his head.

Max is a hyper American, with the same mentalities as Granger. Except with a slightly more mature approach to serious things. He has a mop of bushy blonde hair upon his head, with big blue eyes and freckles, not hard to miss, when constantly bounding around.

'The Chief' is an analytical boy with brown hair so bushy it covers his eyes. He never leaves his laptop, and although tolerable, and not actually a blader, I only keep him for his database on other bladers and ability to upgrade our own blades.

Rei, the oldest of the group next to me, has a natural charm, allowing him to fit in with most people, even me. He is Chinese, and displays qualities of neko-jinn. He has long black hair, wrapped, leading to look like a tail from behind, with golden eyes that shine ever so slightly in the dark. I can stand him the most, and he is the one who constantly tries to reach out his hand in friendship even once the others have given up, he makes me curious.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3...not much to say really.**

**Thank you Quarry for your reviews, your pretty accurate, and my descriptive skills were never, how shall I say this, Good.**

**But thank you none the less, at least I know it was read.**

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I was peacefully thinking; until an annoying and all too familiar voice rung through the air, destroying the silence.

"Kaaaiii, come-on, we're going to be late" Tyson whined.

I look up to see him in front of me, with his pitiful face, screwed in a way I suppose I am meant to feel sorry for.

"Tyson, the reservations aren't for another hour" said another voice, but more soothing, it almost made me want to smile. Almost.

"But...but... I'm hungry" Tyson whined again, this time turning to face the owner of the voice.

"Too bad" I snapped, not in the mood for his stupidity.

I turned and headed for my room to continue my silent battles. Alone.

_Why?_

_Why is life so confusing?_

_He is supposed to be a friend, they all are._

_Especially after those events with my grandfather._

_When I look at him, I-_

"Kai, time to go...are you okay?" Ray asked, pausing at the doorway.

"I'm fine" I replied with a broken voice, I knew he wouldn't believe me, I didn't even believe myself.

"Are you sure" he asks, pressing the matter, worry evident in his eyes.

I look at him, and turn away, unable to look him in the eye.

"yes"

"...ok" he says uncertainly, walking away.

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**It looked better the first time I read it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapte 4 is pretty short, and kinda angsty- I have little punctuation for a reason.**

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I'm all alone, and I cry

I cry because it hurts

It hurts to see you

To see you so happy, and me so sad

On the outside I look fine

On the inside I am dying

Even when you too, just want to be left alone

How do you do it?

It hurts to know I can't

But, maybe one day

Maybe one day I can trust you with my heart

Like I want too

Maybe one day you can tell me too

Your secret

But right now, I hurt.

Right now, I cry.

Right now, the memories pour forward, and I can't stop it.

I know I can't change the past, but, I just wish

I just wish I could forget it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, that took a while. Here's all 200 words of the next chapter...I really have no idea where I'm going with this fic, however I do have a half-decent idea for another, non-angsty one. **

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"Kai, you okay" I hear Ray call from the hallway.

"I'm fine" I say, wiping the tears away.

I can't bear for anyone to see, for you to see

I draw my eyes to the knife that lays oh so casually beside me, its edge beginning to crust from the blood. No one may see, No one may know.

"Are you sure...I'm coming in" I hear him say, his voice filled with...concern? No.

"I'm fine, you don't need to come in" I say reaching for the knife, my tears threatening to break again.

Of all people, not you Ray, not you.

You can't see this.

I love you.

You can't see **me** like this.

"Kai, I'm coming in"

I see the door begin to open.

I yell out, but it is too late.

You see me.

"K-kai"

You close the door before walking swiftly to my side. You grab my arms and look at the incisions.

I see tears begin to fall from your beautiful eyes.

"...why, Kai, why" You ask looking at me.

"I-I..."

I never finished my sentence; I passed out long before the words had even reached my mind.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

**There is actually only one more chapter for this fic, but it's not very conclusive so I will probably have a sequal.**

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I feel like I'm...floating? I know I can't be.

I open my eyes, and I see you.

You're sitting next to me, legs drawn up, and back leaning against the bedpost.

Your eyes are closed, and your usually bandaged arms are now without.

I see my blood on your clothes.

I look around, the door is closed, you locked it, something I forgot to do.

I notice the knife, it is imbedded in my drawers, I guess you threw it there; it's stuck in an awkward angle.

I then look down at myself, that's when I realise why your bandages aren't on your arms,

because they're on mine.

I'm no longer bleeding.

But I don't know.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

What do I want?

I want to forget my grandfather.

I want Ray to love me.

I want to die.

These 3 events are mutually exclusive. I can never have all 3.

So what do I want the most?


	7. Chapter 7

**Last chapter.**

**There will be a sequal, and that is the part where you either shout 'yippee' or you cry, either is fine.**

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I want to speak out.

To apologize.

To tell you.

But the words never quite make it to my mouth.

Instead I watch, like always, from afar.

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**Rays POV**

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I look up to see you still sleeping.

Your chest rising and falling with each breath, each breath no longer strained but smooth.

Leaning forward I stroke your cheek gently, my thumb pausing upon your tattoos.

I close my eyes to prevent the fresh tears from falling as I think of the pain you had to go through as a child, all because of your grandfather.

The loneliness.

Loneliness not to different from mine.

I think back to the early years of my childhood, the earliest memory being my parents murder, I was only 5.

I wonder if it is the same with you, you too were ripped from your parents by your grandfather.

I move my hand from your cheek, upwards, gently playing with a bang of grey hair.

But I suppose, at least my grandfather is dead, you have to deal with the fact that yours could come back at any time.

Sighing I replace my hands back into my lap, and my gaze is drawn towards the knife.

_Is he the reason you did this, Kai. _

_Cutting never solves anything. _

_All it does is give you a moments peace within the turmoil. _

_I know exactly how you feel. _

_I promise to help you Kai. _

_I promise._

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**Kai POV**

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I chance opening my eyes from my faux sleep when I hear silent whispering.

I couldn't hear exactly what Ray was saying, and I didn't dare move.

I saw him divert his gaze towards his arms, as he slowly drew his hands to rub them.

I looked closer, and that was when I saw the scars.

His arms, usually hidden, were covered in scars, none recent.

I heard the words **'I promise' **escape his lips,

and that was when I understood.


End file.
